I tear my robe at you!

My life is too saturated with sin for me to be able to accuse Jesus the way these leaders do. And I am thankful for that. At least God has helped me see my immense need for him. Often when I am reading the Gospels, I identify with the sins of the pharisees as well as the disciples. At a time like this, as my Savior is being attacked falsely, I have a hard time tolerating the closed, hard hearts of these men.

They took Jesus to the high priest, and all the chief priests, elders and teachers of the law came together. Peter followed him at a distance, right into the courtyard of the high priest. There he sat with the guards and warmed himself at the fire.

The chief priests and the whole Sanhedrin were looking for evidence against Jesus so that they could put him to death, but they did not find any. Many testified falsely against him, but their statements did not agree.

Then some stood up and gave this false testimony against him: "We heard him say, 'I will destroy this man-made temple and in three days will build another, not made by man.' " Yet even then their testimony did not agree.

Then the high priest stood up before them and asked Jesus, "Are you not going to answer? What is this testimony that these men are bringing against you?" But Jesus remained silent and gave no answer.

Again the high priest asked him, "Are you the Christ, the Son of the Blessed One?"

"I am," said Jesus. "And you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Mighty One and coming on the clouds of heaven."

The high priest tore his clothes. "Why do we need any more witnesses?" he asked. "You have heard the blasphemy. What do you think?"

They all condemned him as worthy of death. Then some began to spit at him; they blindfolded him, struck him with their fists, and said, "Prophesy!" And the guards took him and beat him. -Mark 14:53-65

I am thankful that Jesus is able to withstand the false accusations from people who are probably just making things up to get some money or favors from the teachers. And even more upsetting is the dramatic clothes-tearing. He was probably upset at Jesus' words, but also he was probably relieved to have found an accusation that would stick.

It's kind of reassuring that they find it impossible to find evidence of sin on Jesus' part. If Jesus had been framed with murder or something, then many of the people could be considered innocent of his blood, if the teachers had a believable case. But they do not have anything on Jesus that would stick, except his own words declaring who he is.

I started today by talking about identifying with sins. I pray Jesus that you continue to keep me strong enough that I would not disbelieve your clear words. I pray that you would give me strength that I would not undervalue your sacrifice. I pray that you would help me not only to avoid the wrong path, but that you would help me today to swiftly run on the path of your commands.


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Kissed

Just as he was speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, appeared. With him was a crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests, the teachers of the law, and the elders.

Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: "The one I kiss is the man; arrest him and lead him away under guard." Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, "Rabbi!" and kissed him. The men seized Jesus and arrested him. Then one of those standing near drew his sword and struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear.

"Am I leading a rebellion," said Jesus, "that you have come out with swords and clubs to capture me? Every day I was with you, teaching in the temple courts, and you did not arrest me. But the Scriptures must be fulfilled."

Then everyone deserted him and fled. -Mark 14:43-50

Today, upon reading this, I am simply amazed at the fact that Jesus allows the kiss. I picture the scene going down, and having it be obvious to the disciples and of course Jesus. The other disciples would already have to be restrained at this point. That Jesus himself withstands this kiss is simply amazing. Of all the things he had to suffer, the broken heart this gave him could have at least been spared, if he had prevented the kiss.

But, I suppose this speculation is a dangerous thing to do to God. We want God to fight for us the way that we want him to. We want him to do the things that make sense to us.

It has been an interesting thing to write this blog for a few weeks now. Something that has happened, it seems to me, is that I come with less and less ideas of my own. It is almost as if Scripture is starting to trump my own opinions. What a fun concept.

Truly this is only a step on the road. I can only go a few words without putting my own spin on God's story. I pray that by spending more time hearing his word, then his truth will more often, more naturally, and more clearly come out of my mouth.

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Distress

How terrible it is to have caused Christ such distress. If there is anything worse than being distressed, it is having caused it for someone else. Let alone someone perfect. But the blessing is that he does not hold it against me.

They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch."

Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. "Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Simon," he said to Peter, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

Once more he went away and prayed the same thing. When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. They did not know what to say to him.

Returning the third time, he said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Enough! The hour has come. Look, the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!" -Mark 14:32-42

It is troubling enough to find that I am the cause of that grief. It is even more troubling to find myself nodding along with Jesus in the first paragraph. I think, yes I know what it feels like to be distressed to the point it feels like death. But no, I don't. It is only in my arrogance that I find myself any more than a disciple in this story.

Failing to watch. Failing to pray. I do not know what to say. This is me.

Looking at Jesus so full of sorrow must have been such a humbling experience for his disciples. I pray that it is a humbling experience for me.

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Just do it

Today, I am thinking about the hopeful foolishness that we hear in Peter's voice here.

"You will all fall away," Jesus told them, "for it is written:
'I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered.'
But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee."

Peter declared, "Even if all fall away, I will not."

"I tell you the truth," Jesus answered, "today—yes, tonight—before the rooster crows twice you yourself will disown me three times."

But Peter insisted emphatically, "Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you." And all the others said the same. -Mark 14:27-31

I sort of want that hopefulness. I want to declare before taking a step down the next step of road that I will not stumble, I will not walk off of the path. I will not go against my Lord's commands.

But when I think of this, I soon realize that it is not the promise that matters. It is my actions that matter. Jesus asks,

"What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work today in the vineyard.'

" 'I will not,' he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.

"Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, 'I will, sir,' but he did not go.

"Which of the two did what his father wanted?"

"The first," they answered.

-Matthew 21:28-31

The danger for me as a Christian is to be the kind of son who says I will, but does not do it. Jesus makes the application to the pharisees, and when I am like them I am even worse because a pharisee says I am, when he is not.

Lord, I love your teaching. You remind me of such important truths in your Word. When I consider the love and forgiveness you had for Peter, it is a huge relief because I need that forgiveness. Help me Lord to be disciplined by you so that I can be more and more capable of doing what you say. Make me faithful; to my promises, to you my Savior.

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Is Oneness closer than Unity?

I feel like I'm jumping the gun as I get ahead of the timeline of Holy week, but as I read this, I think, wow, today this is the unity that is essential.

While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take it; this is my body."

Then he took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to them, and they all drank from it. "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many," he said to them. "I tell you the truth, I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it anew in the kingdom of God."

When they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives. -Mark 14:22-26

I love how in this communion, we participate. But I notice that thought the disciples partake, they don't offer anything. They surely offer praise in a hymn. They even offer their presence, and submit their individual will to that of Christ. But there is no value that comes from something they are doing.

We are nourished by the meal. We receive strength. The Covenant is fulfilled. God's promises are coming true in this Supper.

I also think shame on us for the times people have thought to add to or subtract from the glorious offering Jesus makes here. It seems like there are times we make small the sacrifice of our Lord by making large the interpretation we apply to it. Maybe I struggle because I have spent more time in discussion of the meal than I have in the partaking of it.

I pray, God, that you would provide blessings as we teach people of communion--that the purpose of the teaching would always be that the teaching itself fades in the face of your real presence in the sacrifice.

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Unity and Betrayal

I was talking yesterday about the fact that it seems like there are no characters who are pure, few stories about people who are simply good. (Except Samwise Gamgee, and Yoda of course)
As I read Scripture, again it is true that the more we get to know about people in the Bible, the more we are disappointed in their fallen state. It is hard to stomach the scene as the passover should have been a night of brotherhood and unity before the storm to follow. One more opportunity for Jesus to teach, and one more opportunity for the disciples to partake of his love in a very physical sense. But things are strongly tainted by Jesus' ominous prophecy.

On the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, when it was customary to sacrifice the Passover lamb, Jesus' disciples asked him, "Where do you want us to go and make preparations for you to eat the Passover?"

So he sent two of his disciples, telling them, "Go into the city, and a man carrying a jar of water will meet you. Follow him. Say to the owner of the house he enters, 'The Teacher asks: Where is my guest room, where I may eat the Passover with my disciples?' He will show you a large upper room, furnished and ready. Make preparations for us there."

The disciples left, went into the city and found things just as Jesus had told them. So they prepared the Passover.

When evening came, Jesus arrived with the Twelve. While they were reclining at the table eating, he said, "I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me—one who is eating with me."

They were saddened, and one by one they said to him, "Surely not I?"

"It is one of the Twelve," he replied, "one who dips bread into the bowl with me. The Son of Man will go just as it is written about him. But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born." -Mark 14-12-21

How could they stand it? How is it that Peter doesn't draw his sword right here at the table?

Even as I ask the question, i find the answer apparently in these words. "They were saddened, and one by one they said to him, 'Surely not I.'" It was not because of a lack of desire to fight Jesus' enemies, but out of fear and sadness at the truth of their own hearts.

Not even the disciples was able to know for sure that they wouldn't be the weak one. And though this lack of strength might be troubling when we see it in ourselves, it is not troubling when it leads us to simply acknowledge our lack of strength, and seek the true source.

When we talk to Jesus, we can say, Surely not I Lord. And Jesus can look us in the eyes, and say "I gave myself for you to redeem you from all wickedness and to purify for myself a person that is my very own, eager to do what is good." -Titus 2:14

When we are troubled and weak. He is not.

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Confidence

I wish perfect words existed. I try to hold onto the truth. I often find my mind incapable of grasping what it means to have faith--to put my confidence in the Lord. These words help keep it simple for me.

This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

-Jeremiah 17:5-8

Today I am thankful that God doesn't just use words. He uses a tree, and a desert, and a stream. Me makes it as real as I am capable of grasping it.

These words are a warning against any placement of value on the things I can do. They warn me not to even depend on my understanding. They tell me not to turn away from God, and they ask me to rest in his grace.

I picture the scene of the green tree surrounded by dry brown grass. And I say in my head, good job God. Not, good job tree, way to put your roots down there. Way to go God. It was really smart of you to make that possible.

I am thankful that every word tells me not to fear. Do not claim responsibility for your life. just don't run from his love. Do not try to know more than him, or be more than he commands. Do not try to build yourself into something different.

If a tree can be shepherded, we should be shepherded trees. The shepherd shows the path to the nourishment, and provides protection. The shepherd sees the world (sorry animal-lovers) from a higher frame of reference. And in this case we learn that God's instructions for us are simplified to what is essential for us as broken beings. We cannot see things clearly now. We cannot understand everything that has been planned. But we can be loved and be nurtured, and we can through the treeherder's grace, live and grow and bear fruit.

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